Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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