I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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