I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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