things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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