Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
