forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize