My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
