Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
