If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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