and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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