So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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