Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
