The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
