I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
