And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
