I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
