I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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