You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
