Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
