She said her name was "party"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
