So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
