I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
