I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
