I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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