I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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