sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
