life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
