Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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