omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
