yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
