Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
