I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
