At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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