I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
