My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
