If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
