Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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