Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
