Jerry, you need to find god
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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