Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
