suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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