need another drink. this is the easiest way
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
