I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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