may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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