well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
