i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
