Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
