Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
