just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
