okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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