Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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