This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just forgot I was standing up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dear god my vagina.
Come on in and take your pants off
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
