Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
