Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
