I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
