so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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