it's too hot outside to masturbate.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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