I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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