Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
