i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
