THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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