I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
