we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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