she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
