did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
