he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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