I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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