apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
